dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
