Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
In America we eat man semen.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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