he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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