Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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