then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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