how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
