its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
PS: I just woke up from my shower
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
