I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Someone shattered a urinal.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
