how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
