is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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