i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
