he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
