Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
We don't watch enough power rangers
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
