I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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