Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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