Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
OPIZZABONMYDICK
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
