New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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