Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
