last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
