Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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