Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
