So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
