Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
