Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I see more hoeing in ur future
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