I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
