It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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