that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
