He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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