I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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