If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
