Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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