I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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