I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Drake has all the answers
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
