Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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