There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
