....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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