porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
