just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
