It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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