these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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