I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
