Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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