And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
