ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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