Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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