im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
