Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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