I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I am available for nakedness
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
