when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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