First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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