So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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