can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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