so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
